I was defeated before I drank coffee.
Maybe I was defeated before I flopped out of bed, two hours after I unintentionally silenced my alarm. I tried, really, I did. I showered. I dressed. I tried.
I exited my bedroom, intent on taking today one step at a time.
Unrest flooded my heart as I was greeted by the the not-so-joyous sounds of these people I’m semi-responsibly raising.
Yelling and name-calling. Threats and a demolished plastic cup tower. One storms out of the house and slams the door. Another self-deceivingly mumbles “I didn’t do anything”.
I melt into the sofa in tears, and I still haven’t had coffee.
Some days, I wonder why God thought it was a good idea to call me into ministry to moms. Is He really all-knowing and wise? Does He really see my true reality?
Oh, how I wish I could sing praises of the redemption in this story.
But some days don’t resolve by dinnertime.
School is still undone. Dishes mound high in the sink. Cooking a pot of soup might be my one accomplishment for the day.
The unrest entered my heart when I exited my bedroom. But it remains despite my desire that it flee forever.
Unrest takes different forms on different days.
Today it’s a swirling mess of frustration, jealousy, insecurity, fear, selfishness, unmet expectations, lies of failure. Shall I continue?
When the unrest swirls, my mind simply cannot grab a though to take it captive. I want to see the redemption, but I’m just not there. Yet.
On the day that doesn’t (yet) resolve into a story of redemption, we might only have one option.
“Pour out your heart like water before the presence of the Lord.”
Do you choose to pour out what overwhelms your unrestful heart, or do you bottle it up, intent to push through the day on your own?
Yes, God is all-knowing and wise. Yes, He sees your reality. But yes, He still wants to hear about it from you.
On these days that seem to not resolve, perhaps the only seed of rest we can plant is to pour out all that wells up within our hearts.
Today’s Seed of Rest
Pour out your heart
What is troubling you today?
Enter God’s presence and pour out your heart.
November 7, 2017 at 6:31 am
I know that you have had a rough month especially going into the month of November but I am still reading. I have throughly been encouraged especially today’s. Been up since 4am today and I am just tired. Kiddos have been sick for two weeks now. My four month old is going through his sleep regression. But even in my need to control and fret God still is there. It is so easy to go about the day doing it all in my strength but He is still faithfully there. Thanks again